I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
