I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
