I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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