On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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