Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
