the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
