The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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