I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
