I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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