One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
