Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
