I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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