Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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