I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
