i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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