I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
