I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
