Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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