Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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