He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
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OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
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I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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