i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
