its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
