I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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