Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
