sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
