he wants to bone in the snuggie
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
