New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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