In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
