NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
