cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
