i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
