I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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