I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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