wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
