My first STD was from a foam party
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
