and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
