So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
