im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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