Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
