Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
