when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
