Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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