I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
