everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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