dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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