her vagine was all disorganized.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
