hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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