dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think people are normalizing furries
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
