the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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