well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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