Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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