Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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