At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
