i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize