Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
