That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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