He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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