And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
