Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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