Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
