We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
