TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
