He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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