I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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