Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
