i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
