plz talk dirty to me
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
